Ja’Marrch of the Penguins ran the week

Two weeks in and the Dana Burger Dynasty League is already sorting itself out in dramatic fashion. The top of the table is stacked — Slam-I-Am's Penguins are a 329.6-point wrecking ball, Mr Slippyfist is the definition of steady, and Kyler Scullen is sitting 1-1 despite leading the entire league in points scored at 349.1 (somebody fix that schedule). The trade market has been hot from the jump: Slam shipped future picks to land Kyren Williams, MrSlippyFist paid three 2027 picks for Carson Wentz to stabilize his QB room, and Todd has been shuffling assets like a Vegas dealer — which is either genius or chaos, and with Todd it could genuinely be either. Down at the bottom, Justinian Dynasty's 0-2 start and QB situation (Stafford at 38, folks) suggests arougeot has already pivoted to a rebuild, while Samsonite and eddiemac0 are going to need some waiver magic and a prayer to claw their way back into contention.